"If we aren't able to handle some miserable Templars, we deserve death."
Ralph Hawke is a human mage. Born at the end of 9.05 Dragon, in Ferelden, as the first son of an apostate, Malcolm Hawke and a Kirkwall noble family's disowned daughter, Leandra Amell. He spent his childhood in Ferelden as an apostate mercenary's mage son, hiding but in relative safety from the threat of the Circles. He had a sister, Bethany, and a brother, Carver. At 9.27 Malcolm died. At 9.30, when the 5th Blight destroyed the Hawke family's home in Lothering, they went to Kirkwall, where Leandra hoped she will find her brother and settle with her children.
Physical Appearance Edit
Cold, water-blue eyes, light skin, platinum blonde hair, strong muscular body
Aggressive/sarcastic, audacious, provocative, protective, impatient, prideful and arrogant. A narcissistic, vain and overconfident blood mage. Seems socially inept, but rather impatient, fierce and unpredictable. Sometimes very immature (and he doesn't care). Despite this, not as bad as seems at first sight. But he loves his fame. He hates showing weakness. Cruelly honest; many times hurts people mostly unintentionally. Shows cruelty, but surprisingly merciful. He's a heavy drinker, and since he failed to protect his mother, for a while almost every day drunk. He can't lose.
Talents and SkillsEdit
Ralph's main talent is naturally the magic, especially the fire and the blood magic, but knows some other magic schools. He's able to heal, but not a strong healer. As an apostate, he's a master of the discreet use of magic but undoubtedly prefers the conflagration. He even talented and experienced with blades and uses his staff as a polearm. Also, he never refuses a good pub brawl and very good at it. Besides the common Trade, he also knows some Tevene – for his forbidden studies (not really speaks it, rather just reads). And some Dalish from Merrill.
Ralph Hawke was eight when his magic manifested. The circumstances were harsh, and Malcolm was frightened but managed to concentrate on his son, instead of what he caused. So with his father's help, Ralph was able to get over on the accident but sometimes this day appears in his dreams. The nightmares never ceased fully.
Ralph was an aggressive child, and later this trait complemented with sarcasm. He walks on his own path and has his own laws. He didn't want to follow his father's path. Ralph loved him with controversial feelings. On the one hand, he greatly respected him, on the other hand, he hated Malcolm's tolerance toward their situation.
He respected Malcolm's courage and effort to build a good life for his family in this twisted world, where his kind is a pariah. But he hated that Malcolm's compromises. "Just be careful, silent! Learn a lot, and don't make mistake!" Ralph wanted to vomit every time when he heard this. He saw Bethany's suffer and her desire to be "normal", and he blamed his father.
And he knew he's unjust.
His father did everything to protect them.
But Ralph wanted to fight. For himself, for Bethany for every fucking mage in Southern-Thedas, who forced to lick the Templars boots!
Ralph hated every day he lowered his head and retreated without a word. And his anger accumulated.
He was fifteen when refused the first demon who tempted him seriously. But he started to think about it and already he saw his way. He knew he must learn more. Secretly he searched for everything to learn the forbidden knowledge. His father refused this way, considering it's evil, but he's not Malcolm. Ralph didn't think, the blood magic is evil, he saw it as a tool, in fact, a useful one. He knew he walks on a dangerous way, but he became more and more sure of what he wanted. And slowly started to practice the blood magic.
He wanted to fight, but he wasn't a fool. He learned to use Malcolm's strategy of hiding, and slowly mixed it with his blood magic. He learned to fight without magic, with his bare fist, with knives and swords, and he used his staff as a polearm. Learned to use his anger and pain as power. His every little wound converted to power by blood magic. He wanted to be prepared.
When Ralph reached his 20, and the twins also became older, Malcolm often took him to work – he was proud to see his son became a better and better fighter. Malcolm suspected, that his son stepped on the dangerous way (this was his greatest fear from the moment he saw in Ralph's eyes the anger's fire and the cold determination on that day.), but never was sure about it.
Ralph was 22, when his father died during a work. They started it together, with a group of experienced mercenaries, but Malcolm left Ralph at the last moment, without a word. Ralph could never forget the feeling, his father didn't trust him enough (he knows, he would have saved him but his father took the chance away from him). And he also never was able to forget the days, what this decision of his father caused to him before he got the death news.
This work and Malcolm's decision has brought the most beautiful days of his life so far, his first love - and his greatest loss.
In his last letter, Malcolm asked him to teach Bethany and keep the blood magic away from her - and take care of the family. He swore to the letter on this night and kept his word. He taught Bethany and strengthened her – but failed to keep her safe.
After Bethany's death, Hawke family arrived in Kirkwall, Ralph and Caver started to work as mercenary. It was familiar to Ralph.
One year passed, and Ralph gained a reputation as mercenary. The next goal was to base their new life in Kirkwall and to restore the family name and property. Varric's offer to join their expedition was a good chance to the start.
The expedition succeeded, but not without loss. Carver tainted, and for saving his life, he forced to be a Grey Warden. According to Anders, this was the only way to save his life. Ralph didn't know he will meet his brother again or not, but he was grateful to Anders for the help.
He regained his family's nobility, he started to work with Anders for freedom of the Mages. He believes, he found his life goal – this is why he born, and his position and wealth will serve this purpose. He was determined, even the way his mother died could not shake his faith. Hard weeks, alcohol, nightmares, but he remained adamant about his opinion. And Anders stood beside him in these difficult times.
After the qunari war, and the Viscount's death, Ralph decided, he will take the vacant throne and prevents Meredith's amok. He assured Orsino he will help and allied with the rebel nobles for launching an open rebellion if needs. Well... Anders' act prevented this – and Ralph was willing to help him. After they freed The Gallow's mages in a hopeless battle, he was proud of the triumphant exile on his lover's side. He decided they will continue their fight, until they free every mage, or die.
Ralph to Varric, somewhere in Ferelden:
"So, this Seeker needs a help from a 'maleficarum'? The world really changed! Of course, I'll help. I defeated this ... 'magical bogeyman' once, I'll finish my work now... but if they even try to touch Anders, I'll kill everyone, who involved. And you know, I'm serious"
His fate isn't decided yet. He doesn't want to sacrifice himself. He doesn't feel responsibility about Corypheus. But Stroud saved Carver's life, and he has the bigger chance to win this fight. This is just a nightmare, he faced 1000... but this one the greatest challenge ever. He would able to refuse such a challenge? "
"Sorry Anders, I know you hate it, but 'll do my best, I promise!"But he's not alone...
Much, much later:
He disappeared with Anders? They died already? But if he survived, then probably he would be that grumpy/creepy old man with his weird husband and creepy jokes. Jokes...? But those are legends, and he keeps his fame. If you become familiar with him, you'll realize, he's not so bad at all – quite human in fact... His reactions are somewhat slower, but don't be fooled: his fireballs don't have age...
(But honestly? Too hard to see him as a retired, old man)
"You ask me my recipe for a good relationship? Haha! You kidding me, right? Okay, listen to me! Be honest! But try it gently ... at least try to be not rude... or pay a beer, this can help. And try to resist the temptation! Okay, just try to not hurt anyone."
Malcolm Hawke (father – deceased 9:27 Dragon): Filial love, strong, but controversial relationship. On one hand, he deeply respected Malcolm's courage and effort to build a good life for his family in this circumstances, on the other hand, he hated that Malcolm shows tolerance toward the Templars, the system, what forced them constant hiding, running. When he knew, how his father feels! Sometimes Ralph was angry at him and accused him of cowardice. He knows he was unjust. Honestly? Malcolm was his best friend. Sharp, loud debates, deep respect in background. Ralph miss their debates, fights, he misses his father – he never told him, how felt.
Details of Ralph diary:
The Champion of Kirkwall. I love it! It's not about the power... not yet... and I don't mind. I achieved my goal, I do not need to look over my shoulder to see if the Templars follow me. I'm virtually untouchable. This means more than any power! Never ever need to hide, what I'm. In my whole life, I wanted this and I reached. Anders already moved into my mansion. Kirkwall most (im)famous noble is an apostate and openly live with his also apostate lover in the middle of Hightown. Fuck of everyone!
"Just be careful, silent!" – No, Father! I never will lower my head anymore! I will never retreat without a word anymore! But I learned a lot. No more compromise! You didn't want mage children because you didn't want such a life for us, what you had. You never showed that, but we knew, we never will be "normal". Bethany died thinking she was a burden, but she wanted to be useful for the last time. I live as a mage, and when I die, I will die as a mage, proudly. And I will fight for the others! I know, I was unjust to you. You raised us safely and we had a good life, but your way is not mine. I don't want to hide anymore, and I don't have to hide anymore! I did it. And I'm sad, you and Mother don't see it.
Leandra Amell-Hawke (mother – deceased 9:34 Dragon): filial love, with some controversial feeling. Ralph heard when Leandra was bitter and blamed their situation. He feels, Leandra blames the magic, so she blames Malcolm, Bethany... and him. And he knew, Leandra fears him. He saw in her eyes. At his 8, and later too. After Malcolm's death, Ralph saw, Leandra more and more bitter, and has homesick. She spoke about her family, the Amells more and more often. Ralph felt, Leandra blames him and Bethany she can't go back. But these feelings always faded, when Leandra smiled at them. He knew, Leandra sacrificed everything for them, and never regretted that. He didn't blame her for she just wanted a normal life. Just as Bethany. Ralph swore, he will give them safety, as Malcolm did. Or better. Well. Failed.
Details of Ralph diary:
I'm starting to get used to Mother's accusing gaze. Nevermind. Carver's a big guy, can take care of himself.
A torn paper from Ralph diary:
It's hard to start. Three weeks... but nightmares do not disappear. Drunken visions, whispering in silence. Mom's dead eyes. Fenris's cold, lifeless hand wakes me up, I open my eyes and look at him... Anders’ smiling at me: "Do you know, what the strongest force in the universe is? Love." He's glowing in blue, his mouth's sewn up... Quentin whispers from the dark. "I love you. You always made me so proud." Mother stands beside him, in white dimness. Her hand on his shoulder. Smiles.
Enough! Time to sober up!
The nightmares will disappear over time. I know... I hope.
In The Hanged Man (Right after Leandra's death)
"You... ask for an advice? Haha! Of course! Beer and more beer. This is the solution. And a knife. A sharp one. ... Now you feel offended? Pfft. Happens. Forget it! Don't listen to me. Want a beer? Because I can't get you any 'Life Advice'. Cheers!"
9.21 Dragon – Amarantine, Bethany's magic manifested.
Bethany looked at him with crying eyes and showed her hand. “I hurt Carver… I almost... Accidentally. I don’t understand. What happened to me. My hands, I just raised them and… I can’t remember...” She sobbed again.
Ralph took his hands in his hands and with a serious face, examined them, then looked at Bethany. “They're a little dirty. But there's nothing wrong with them.” He smiled. “I can teach you how to make a bigger earthquake. This is just... hey, this ugly, rusty building hasn't even collapsed!”
Leandra wrung her hands and looked reproachfully at his son. “Ralph, don't scare your sister even better, you don't see...” but suddenly silenced.
Bethany smiled faintly.
"Tell me, Sunny, how it happened, when you shook the ground?”
“… I closed my eyes, and tried to imagine..., and suddenly everything became too real. Like I was there… and it happened… I don’t know, how. I was in the Fade? Did I dream? Can we do anything, get anything out of the realm of dreams?”
“Slow down, Sunny… good questions... But I don’t know the answers. Perhaps the father knows more about it, perhaps even he doesn’t know… perhaps the scholars… or nobody… The Fade keeps its secret, but from time to time, shares the power with us. This is our gift.” Ralph paused for a moment, then added: “At least as father told me.”
“Tell me more about it!”
“Another time, Bethy, Mother needs my help in packing up. We should move, you know.”
Bethany lowered her head, and asked quietly: “Yes… the Templars… Because of me, right?”
Her brother walked up to her, held her head with his two hands and gently forced the little girl to look into her eyes. He said seriously and firmly.“No. We have to leave because of the people. Because of the old wicked crows who talk nonsense about us to scare the kids with us. Never listen to them! Listen to me, to father ... You're good-hearted. Gifted, not cursed! Remember: It's not your fault that we have to go! Blame people ignorance! And never trust in that wicked crows in the Chantry...! Don’t listen to them!” Cold fire flashed in his eyes, he turned away suddenly –"I'm a fucking idiot!"– thought, and when he looked back at his sister, Ralph was smiling and took the little girl’s hands. “You’re the best sister, nobody could wish better! Now try to relax a bit. I will be back soon. Just call me, I'm always here for you and I'll protect you – from everything!” He added and left the room to find his mother.But all his efforts were not enough was not enough to save her. He swore before his father's last letter, he will protect her. But he failed.
Details from Malcolm's last letter:
"I decided not to take you with me, because Leandra, Bethany and Carver can't lose both of us. Especially Bethany! She's smart, talented and strong – as a mage. But she often sad. She smiles, but... I saw, you always understood her better... She looks up at you, and you can always make her laugh. I know she just wants to be normal. I understand her. I was afraid, your rudeness will deter her. But when she with you, she's happy and confident."
"Yes, because I don't treat her as a fragile flower," Ralph murmured.
"But... can I trust you? I'm afraid, you step to the wrong way (do not debate, listen!) I saw those books you read. PLEASE, DON'T DO IT. Tempting, but never worth it! And keep away from Bethany! Did you understand, young man? This is my last request. Keep her, our family safe! Now, I should go.
Maker bless you, my son!
Carver Hawke (brother – Grey Warden): brotherly rivalry, protective, from both sides. Later this brotherly rivalry slowly formed into friendship.  Despite, Ralph is a big dick, he respected Carver's skills and while sometimes annoyed him, he knew, Carver is loyal, he would never find better brother. How he hated when Carver worried about the Templars – but knew, he just worry about him. And how he loved to provoke him! Ralph lost his father, because Malcolm left him when they were in a work – to protect him, and because of he didn't want to let Leandra and the siblings lost both of them. But Ralph always thought, if he there, he would be able to save him, and they would alive both. This experience, and the feels, how disappointed he was, when he thought, that Malcolm didn't trust him enough and the first work, when Malcolm gave him a chance to prove himself, despite their constant wild debates – convinced him: the best way to cure Carver's whining if he will take him, and let him prove himself – to show to Carver, he trusts him. And he knew what excellent fighter is his brother.
Gamlen's house, Lowtown, before the expedition:
"Brother, are you sure? The elf was quite hostile. Seems hates your kind. Do you trust him?"
"No. Of course not. I do not trust anyone. But he looks dexterous and strong, useful abilities, aren't?"
"No, I suppose, if he uses against you. Do you think I do not know your real cause?"
"Shut up! I appreciate you want to protect me, but I'm a mage, remember? A deadly one!"
"You are an idiot. But this one at least not an abomination..."
"Do you know how dangerous it is? No, you're not, I suppose. I saw how you looked at him... too! Do you want a harem or a team for the expedition?"
"We need a healer – I'm not that good at it, and he---"
"Is there something you're not that goo---?"
"Carver! So... he knows the Deep Road. Or were you there already? Do it, if you're able to do it better! But as I see, you have nothing against the little cute blood mage... so shut up! And do what I say! Or you stay home to guard Mother's skirt."Details of Ralph diary:
"Three years passed. The things going fine. Carver survived the taint and the ritual. Still an ass, still blames me, and I'm happy. This is my whiny little bastard and seems he's well."
Details of Ralph diary (another three years passed, Deep Roads):
"Other groups of Darkspawn, and... Carver?! Thanks to the Maker we didn't leave! Did he thank me? Who are you? Did you eat my brother? Or the Taint ate his brain..."
To Killian, in Darktown:
"You're okay? I suppose you have questions, so, we should talk. Come with me!" Ralph put his hands on the boy's shoulder. "And don't be afraid, you're a mage. Just like me. It's a gift. Not that easy, but has some benefits. But at first, you have to learn not to use it!", he added.
Ralph, perhaps in the first time his whole life, was not sure about what exactly he does – but he didn't see another solution.
"[...] Eh, just listen! My father perhaps didn’t know what will happen in the future, perhaps, he was not always sure, he will able to protect us, he was not always sure about me… but he tried his best and he was sure, I’ll too. Now I’m sure about the future? No. Did I fail in my life? Yes. Often… But I never can be sure, I just can try my best. And now, I’m sure, this is the best chance for him."
Anders (lover): best friend and true love. Ralph was fascinated since the first moment when they met*. Love at first sight, he was great, Ralph never met such a Circle Mage. Rebellious and just as radical as him – possessed, but hates the blood magic. His views about the mages and the magic is revolutionary – but he's not able to accept Merrill's Dalish view. He questions the Chantry's dogmas – but even has so many Andrastian prejudices. Many contradictions... fascinating! Ralph didn't really expect a man who shares his radical opinions about the Circles so much, they were able to finish each other's sentences. Simply he didn't believe it can be real. And he attracted to Fenris too, what he was not able to sort in his head. Tried to resist the temptation, but failed. It happened. And when Fenris left, it hurt him (and the crush on him, never ceased fully – complicated, yes), but he realized, this is the best way. He never wanted to lose Anders – he loves him, and always did. Ralph never dreamed such love before – perfect.
The only problem between them the blood magic. It's a hard point in their relationship, but Ralph hopes, he will get used to it – after he tried to deal with the sloth demon in the Fade, and Justice confronted him, and forced to fight him, he decided, he stops to play with demons – at least when Anders/Justice's there... He didn't give up the blood magic fully (he was too proud to do it), but destroyed the last tomes and the altar of Dumat. The temptation was big, but he resisted.
After what happened in the secret tunnel, Ralph always tried to strengthen Anders' faith in their fight and about he's not a monster and helped him to handle the situation. Seem it succeeded – Anders and Justice finally learned how they can live together – this is why Ralph was shocked when Anders asked him to help him to separate them with a suspicious Tevinter potion. He tried everything to play for time, supposed, Anders will forget that bullshit. When revealed, that Anders lied – he was disappointed, that he didn't trust him enough, but relieved, he will not risk his life... at least not that silly way. He did not want to lose him.
Details of Ralph's diary:
This Grey Warden! I've never seen such a beautiful man before! Such a passion! I think I'm in love. But nothing so simple. He came here for his friend, named Karl, he wants to free him from the Circle, and asked me for help... I heard some deep sadness in his voice when he spoke about his friend... or more? Anyway, we'll see.
At night we went to the Chantry, where he wanted to meet with Karl. He was there. and we looked at him... a Tranquil. And suddenly Templars came from everywhere. Anders changed. His eyes glowed, Blue light erupted from his skin, his voice was unnatural. Fascinating!
We killed the Templars and stepped to Karl. Karl changed too: he spoke as never would be been a Tranquil – whatever happened, Anders did it, or the creature inside him. An "abomination"! But the effect faded, Karl begged for the death, and Anders killed him. We went back to the Darktown.
Yes, he's an "abomination", and Karl was his lover. He told everything. I... I don't find the words. But I need him!
Details of Ralph's diary:
Perhaps, he's possessed but hates the blood magic. Eh... I just hope he will get used to it. Problems...
Details of Ralph's diary:
In the Fade the first who we met a sloth demon. It offered a help if I let it possess Feynriel. A dirty deal, unacceptable, but I can exploit without a risk. Of course, I can, I tried and succeed not once to trick demons. Not a big thing.
But Justice doesn't allow it, he can't see my intentions. Fuck, he attacked me! Foolish spirit! We forced to defend ourselves. Seems, Fenris too happy with killing Anders/Justice. We should talk about this… Anyway, this isn't our dream, so, I hope Anders' okay.
Why do I feel so bad yet? Eh, I hate you, Justice! You won. I don't use that demon anymore, rather I try to save Feynriel without its help. So, I must lead Feynriel to the truth, but he must recognize that himself. Let's try!
Seems everyone's okay, aside from some embarrassment. Anders is condescending. I see he's well too, but disappointed. Let's go to calm him, I don't want to lose my chance with him for a stupid misunderstanding! I must explain to him, that this was a trick. I know, he hates blood magic, but that's not so terrible! Just a tool! In fact, a very useful one, and I'm so good at it. I won't give up it for you! Damn you, Anders, not I'm who possessed! (How I hate to apologize!)
Anders' sad. But was so easy to convince him, he wanted to believe me. Good. I offered to help him communicate with the voices in his mind – yes, yes, not the best joke... but seems he liked it.
Details of Ralph's diary:
I woke up late in the morning. My head was still a bit blurry, so I planned a pleasant conversation... Anders... I love him, but I'm confused. Perhaps now I can find out... but he was more nervous than usual. I start to think about that, he's not the best partner to a loose healing chatting... Okay, love, tell me what's wrong with you.
He was talking about a crazy Templar, named Otto Alrik, planned to tranquilze every mage in the Circle. Anders perhaps tends to exaggerate, but he seemed serious. Of course, I help him to find any evidence. If he's right, I will kill everyone, who involved in this, if he's not, then I will calm him...
I decided not to call anyone else. Anders said that this is the secret tunnel of the Mage Underground, I don't want to risk the secrecy (no mention, that I don't want to involve anyone; this is our task). If we aren't able to deal with some miserable Templars, we deserve death.
We found that perverted beast: in the companion of his fellow Templars, he abused a young mage girl. Anders tried to hold back Justice but failed. He lost his control, just as in the Chantry, before Karl. Justice was useful in the fight, we killed the Templars, and I promised to Justice, that we'll kill every such dirty Templar, but at the end, the girl committed a serious mistake... she called Justice a demon. Ofc, she did, but I didn't count on Justice's reaction. He attacked that girl. Okay. He confused, I must convince him, that the danger has passed, the girl is not an enemy, and Anders should be back! Fuck! Succeed. He was able to listen to me. But Anders was horrified. He ran away. I have to go after him and calm him down.
But before I must escort the girl out of here, and tell her, she must leave Kirkwall. She's not in safe here. In another hand, I do not really want the Knight Commander to hear what's happened here. Fuck Justice, you don't make the things easier for me! Okay, now time to visit Anders!
It looks like I've been able to calm down. Thanks the Maker! And Fuck. I already lost Bethany, and almost lost Carver, I don't want to lose him!
A few days later I visited him again. We have been unable to talk since the incident. He looked much better. He was grateful for what I did for the mages. He flattered me. I guess I'm lost in his eyes forever. Anders' handwriting:
Those cold eyes how can be so warm? He smiles at me as no one else. No one but Fenris... He just teases me, yes. Better if I don't let to distract myself, yes, don't be foolish! But... I can't! He wants me, just like I want him! I feel. And if not? He slept with Fenris. Stop thinking about him! Just distracts me... but he... he wants to help me. Our opinions, our goals are the same! No. He's a blood mage... he plays with demons... he almost killed me, yes. But he didn't want it... he regretted that... and it was not his fault! Justice... you... I attacked him, he just wanted to trick that demon! And he promised, he will never more... Promised, yes? He's a blood mage. But he helps us with everything, he's a good man! He's not a distraction! I never met someone like him... I never felt similar! It would kill me if I lose him!
Details of ralph's diary:
Nearby we found the Altar of Dumat. An Old God, and the first Archdemon... Fenris and Anders warned me. But the Altar attracted me, I started the ritual. But one thing missed. I turned around and saw Anders's face. Stop it! Once I turned against him, in the Fade, because tricking that fucking demon was so important. Will not happen anymore! No more flirt with demons! (Okay, I will help Merrill, if she needs, because I promised... but after, no more! At least if he's there... eh, never say never...!) So, I defiled the altar, and I relieved. Everyone relieved. We left the altar.
We're close. Anders hears voices. Fenris mocks: "Abominations hear voices, what a surprise!" Fenris, stop that! According to Carver, he can hear Corypheus... great! But what the fuck this shit!? Anders cant handle this alone! I suppose Justice felt his panic... Anders! Don't fight against that! We'll help.
"Fenris, Carver! To the shades! I will save him!"
"Oh, fuck, don't do it, Justice again... please! You're right, Love?"
Details of ralph's diary:
We're back from Orlais. Anders doesn't stop to try to convince my dog, he shouldn't sleep in our bed, with no much success! 
But he's mostly nervous: still doesn't believe we're safe, so I gave him the key to the old secret passage to his clinic. Calm down, love! No one dares to threaten the Champion of Kirkwall! I try to help him, but I see, he's more and more depressed, and he has reasons. The Knight Commander crushed the Mage Underground. Seems, what for he worked's gone. Sometimes I feel helplessness and it makes me angry.
And if this not enough yet, the current problem is: Anders wants to drink some strange Tevinter potion, to separate Justice and him. I know some Tevinter rituals and magic, but I've never heard any potion like that. If this exists, probably a dangerous experiment, true, I'm not an alchemist... (side note: I have to find out!) Anders hiding something, I know. When I question him about it, he tries to avoid my gaze or just joking (I was not really curious to your dream about the naked Grand Cleric, love. I had enough nightmare for a life, and it not over yet...). I don't even understand. Justice didn't cause any trouble in the last three years. If he insists to this, I'm with him, as always. But, the later the better, maybe change his mind... perhaps, once we will find some safe solution. This just weird and risky. And why he doesn't tell me, what's wrong with it? Because there's something, I'm sure. I don't want to lose him! And the ingredients ... who would able to drink such a ... shit ... willingly? Let's give him some time to thinking. (And again: I must find out!!!)
Details of Ralph's diary:
I found nothing about that "potion", but I can't wait any longer. So, let it be, if you want, Love. We found all shit what he needed, but he still behaved strangely. Finally, he said he needed more help. Of course, he needs, and I will not let him face this problem alone... but... he spoke about some totally different thing. He asked me, to distract the Grand Cleric. I was confused. Why? What does he want? How this related to the "potion"... or wait... there's no potion, and never was.
I admit, I relieved. At first: he's not in danger. Thank the Maker, he will not drink any dragonshit to die from it later! At second: this is why I didn't found anything about this strange experiment. So: I'm not that idiot... or wait... he lied to me! Why didn't he trust me enough? Did I not prove enough, I'm with him with all my heart? Suddenly the anger and disappointment flooded me... But...
Oh, fuck! I almost left him with his problem... but I was not able to do it. I asked him about his reasons. He tried to convince me, about that we can't fight for the freedom without bloodshed, and I finally understood why he lied. Still, it hurts, but I'm with him. I was disappointed, he wants to do it alone, but I know, he just wants my hand clean, whatever happens. It's not that easy, but I still support him and his plan. Let's the game begin. Perhaps, this is the moment I always waited for.
"Then we'll be fugitive together"
Fenris: His relationship with Fenris started badly. Of course. But between them worked a inexplicable chemistry. Sometimes Fenris just admired him, just like he admired Fenris. After a hard rivalry formed a strange friendship between them – based on respect and strong sexual attraction. And that night... it happened. After that night, when Fenris talked about his escape and the Fog Warriors, he was confused. He left Fenris' Mansion and went to The Hanged Man, and wanted to forget his feelings toward Fenris. It was late night when he went home, and Fenris waited for him... He didn't want to hurt him, but he was not sure about Anders' feelings. Three years... and nothing happened. He didn't know why. At first, he thought it was Karl... so he didn't force him. Later he was just as confused as Anders. He was (over)confident – but not with the people. He was bad at the relationships and at showing emotions – except the anger.
He knew this was a mistake. But he really felt a crush on Fenris. But Fenris left. And Ralph thought, Fenris left, because he's a mage... and thought, this is the better way for both of them. Three years passed when they talked about this, and Ralph finally understood him. There were times, when (except Andrs, ofc.) Fenris was his only friend, and Merril because of the mutual interest.
Details of Ralph's diary:
Well, the program has changed. I completed my daily limit of the Templars, so Emeric's issues put off. Let's concentrate more pleasant things! For example The Hanged Man, and later Fenris. I need some drink before I visit him, but I'm sure he has better-qualified alcohol than this rat urine.
He was drinking, when I arrived. I happily join him, though he was a bit drunk, I was not completely sober either. He talked to me about his escape. He told, that he didn't exactly want to escape, this rather was an accident. He talked about the Fog Warriors, who wanted to protect him from his master, but he killed them all for his master. I suppose I started to understand Orana. And the behaviour of the Circle Mages whom Anders talked about. And I also always wondered, why they don't rebel or just try to escape... Holy fucking shit terrible thing!
But I have a friend. Or more? I'm an idiot, I must stop that! I love Anders, and Fenris would never accept me that's for sure! Go back to the Hanged Man!
Late night I got home, thoroughly drunken. In the foreground, Fenris was waiting for me. His intent was clear and met with mine. It was only dawn when I woke up. My head was buzzing. Fenris was standing at the fireplace, completely dressed, his sword on his back. Prepared to leave. He talked about his flashing memory fragments, and how confusing it is. He did not let me help him, just apologized (how I am not surprised!), and left. So... It's over. Maybe it's better this way.
Details of Ralph's diary:
When I arrived in Fenris' Mansion, Aveline was there. She was impatient, Fenris swore as usually. Aveline left, Fenris told, he found his sister and contacted her. His sister will wait for him in The Hanged Man. But he suspects a trap. If this a problem, I'm with him, let's go to find out. I did not call anyone, I did not think I should.
Fuck. His sister betrayed Fenris. Danarius smirked, at the stairs and called Fenris "pet". There's nothing between us long ago, perhaps never was, but as this bastard look at him, I flooded with anger "I'm going to wipe that smirk off your face!"
That fucking bastard! We almost died. I should develop my defensive abilities, or just miss Anders. Anyway, the magister dead, Fenris ripped out his heart. I'm glad, he's on my side...
And he turned on his sister. I felt his anger, but I didn't let him kill her. I did not want him to become his sister's murderer.
When he realized, he lost his just found family, I saw the sadness in his eyes, while he desperately scolded the magic. I ensured him, he has friends. He looked at me and said bitterly: "Yes, a mage is my only friend"
I have often heard the word "mage" to pronounce with such a disdaining tone. My hands clenched into fists... I succeed to restrain my suddenly erupting anger, and drank a lot.
Later, when I already calmed down. I visited him. Varric and Aveline were there. I just heard, he want to stay here, and Varric answered: "The freedom must be a terrible burden, I guess". Eh, Varric... They left, and we started to speak finally. We've been trying to avoid it for three years. (But when will you stop blaming the magic?)
Anyway, maybe he's my most loyal friend I ever had. (I'm sorry... for everything!)
I went home at dawn. Anders was worried and jealous. I tried to reassure him, there's nothing wrong, I was able to handle the things well, but he didn't believe when saw the scars. I told him, what happened. He was angry I didn't call him, and he started to heal me. We did not talk about the potion, and I was glad for it, if this is what need for it, I will be wounded every day until he doesn't forget that bullshit.Varric Tethras: rivalry. Ralph is impatient and has a rude, strange humour, and doesn't like, that Varric spreads rumours about his private life. Sometimes Varric can't bear his temper. Ralph tries to placate him, but not always succeed. Despite this, they are in a close relationship, almost as with Carver. 
A torn out page, handwritten by Varric Tethras:
So… Hawke. What do you want to know? The Champion of Kirkwall? The refugee? The mercenary? Or the noble apostate, the eternal outlaw? He was all of these, he is all of these.
Where I have to start? Hawke and I haven't all seen eye to eye… er... well… this isn’t entirely right. Rather his methods were not really mine. But he’s still a good friend. Look, I think I know people. But he was able to surprise me. Perhaps not as much as Blondie at the end, but many times.
Let’s start with the first times. This happened, when Bartrand, my brother organized that bloody expedition to the Deep Roads.
9:31 Dragon – Kirkwall
Hawke gained a good reputation as a Red Iron mercenary. This means while sufficiently cold-blooded to be able to murder his target if this is the task, alert enough to keep alive himself and his crew. So seemed he's the proper man to escort our expedition.
I watched him for a while before I organized an “accidental” encounter and spoke with him about the expedition. It was my impression if he knew about it, maybe he would rip my hand and puts it in my ass. Fortunately didn't know... But the point is, he’s well prepared and clever. And I saw: loves the challenge.
He was distrustful –I was not surprised– but eventually agreed. I told him we needed reliable maps, and I know an escaped Grey Warden, who maybe has some. But he needs to convince him to sell them us these. He nodded, and just said, this will be short, while made an unambiguous gesture with his fist.
I knew he’s not that kind person, but at the moment I thought maybe he wasn't the right choice - but we couldn't be afforded to be too picky. To be honest he was still a gentleman compared to the others. And strong.
Then we met with the Grey Warden.
As Hawke looked into his eyes, that threatening, determined gaze suddenly changed. “I’m just here to talk…”, he smiled stupidly, then chatted with him about a cat! Can you imagine? I was shocked. Blondie –he was that Warden– seduced him, at first sight – it was clear. He lost in those warm, sad eyes, and at that moment I was less confident about my choice, than before.Details of Ralph's diary:
Inside The Hanged Man Varric told a story to the people. About me. Suddenly he finished and waved. What does he want?
He's asking about Anders. "what's-His-Name that mage" he said... and warns me that it's a bad idea to live with a possessed mage. Enough, dwarf! My private life's not your story!
I angrily left the tavern.
Details of Ralph's diary:
On a day, on the way of The Hanged Man, I stopped at the trinket vendor to buy something for Anders, when I saw a ring with a dwarf motif. I found it familiar somehow. This isn't Varric's family crest? Probably Varric will appreciate it. ---
Well, he did not seem too happy. He's a funny dude but doesn't into my humour. No matter. Often happens. People usually don't get me, but I love their reaction...
"My father's signet ring"
"This belongs to whoever is responsible for House of Tethras. That's you now."
"I'm in real danger of forgetting that. Thanks, Hawke, I promise, I'll think of you, whenever I argue pointlessly with some blighter."
Fuck... okay, I'll pay him a beer...
Details of Ralph's diary:
An elf assassin asks me to steal something... But... wait... Varric! Why this elf thinks, I steal things, because people ask me this...? „I may have talked you up a bit. Maybe more than once.” Wonderful. I sighed (I will kill him once...) „What? You’d rather I told everyone you were a mage” Very funny, dwarf... very funny, thank you for reminding me.
Merrill: friendship. Ralph thought, Merrill's experiment with that mirror, is interesting, and Merrill's lovable: Ralph try to hold back his rude humour if talk with her. First, he was suspicious. Merrill seemed like a little, naive girl and Ralph as a blood mage, was absolutely clear with the danger of the blood magic. "Do you know what you're playing with?" But she knew that, and if was unsure, she asked for help. Her views about the magic, spirits/demons, the Fade, fascinated Ralph. While didn't accept everything without doubts, he didn't even agree with Anders in this question.
Aveline Vallen-Hendyr: rivalry. Ralph can't really forget, that Aveline prevented Carver's joining to the guards, instead of helped him, and even thinks, that Aveline has some weird ideas about the law, order and justice. Their relationship is weird, but they both know they can count on each other.   
Details of Ralph's diary:
It was the first day, after mother's death, what I did not start in The Hanged Man. I went to Aveline, maybe she has any work what can help to forget. But she just helped to remember to my loss and failure. She wanted to speak about. Smile on my face, why not enough this to her? "What is it about the death, that brings out the speeches", I answered, and went away.
"Don't lose your friends too, Hawke", I heard...
Eh, I don't think, she deserved my sarcasm.
Yet I need a mug of that rat urine. The Hanged Man. Again.
Isabela: Ralph tried to convince her, that she shouldn't let blackmail herself by this bastard, he would be happy to help to kill him instead, but Isabela didn't listen to him. She left him.
Details od Ralph's diary:
"You've already faced him. Do not let yourself be blackmailed!"
Details of Ralph's diary:
Sebastian seemed vulnerable. He told, that the demon was right about his feeling. I assured him again, that he will be a good ruler. Anyway, he's not that boring choirboy, what it seems for the first sight. Not even harmless. I saw in his eyes.
End result: "Fuck of, Sebastian!"
* Ralph had already met Anders in their childhood. Ralph's magic was manifested recently, the family's moving from Redcliffe to the north, they're living in a deserted hut for a few weeks, temporarily next to Lake Calenhad. Anders was in the run. It was a long time ago... when he met with Anders in Kirkwall, Ralph didn't remember to the face of the hungry elder kid with whom he shared his food – yet he felt he knows that face.
Ralph's weakness is the alcohol, the proper communication (he sometimes very rude, and not intentionally hurt also his friends too), anger and pride.
He has many fears... from cowardice, from showing weakness, from loss – and he failed to protect Bethany, almost Carver, and Leandra. Once, he ran away from two teens, he was just eight – but he never forgets he was not able to face them. He knows that would have been foolish, but the emotions rarely logical (later they died... accidentally – when attacked him again, his magic manifested, but he still feels that hopelessness that he felt at first, and second...).
Ralph Hawke does not simply like or enjoy his magic. He’s in love with it, bathes in it (sometimes literally...). He is proud of it. The scariest moment was when his magic manifested, and yet still fascinating. There are still nightmares about it. He embodies the mage whom the Chantry fears. An insubordinate maleficar. And doesn't care about it. Free and has his own law.
Andraste's story fascinated Ralph in his childhood, but he never believed in the Chantry – he was too young when his magic manifested. He knew, they're outlaws according to the Chantry, and better to believe, that the law is wrong in the Maker's eyes, than his natural abilities. And this was what Malcolm also suggested... while didn't really loved, if Ralph was too loud about it... but he never wanted to crush Bethany's faith, just tried to protect her from her negative thoughts. Later Ralph read about that Andraste maybe a mage. He loved that. Sometimes he teased Anders that he so much Chantry-Andrastian...
Ralph is impatient. But as a mercenary, he can be professional, cold, even if angry. As a mage, he knows well, he can't lose himself in anger. So: he can swallow his anger, and make a rude joke about it, or harm himself, if can't harm anyone else... can drown it in alcohol, or can let it flows in his blood, and when the fire of anger will permeate his blood, and burns like ice, the air freezes around him. Well – if it happens, too late to run.
About his nobility. Ralph behaves like someone who hates / does not care about the titles. But honestly? He loves to be a noble. He loves, he achieved that. What he hates, to smile and endless small-talks with uninteresting, boring people. But he knows: he has enough sovereign and fame to ignore that. He doesn't need to lick their ass for their acceptance. And he knows: no matter how rich is he, no matter the noble title, he's an apostate outlaw – and this will never change – until someone doesn't change it... he hopes, he will do it. And he needs allies. He accepts some invitations – and behaves as he wants at the moment. He can be charming – and rude. He doesn't care. He never felt uncomfortable or embarrassed in this environment – neither in Highever nor in Kirkwall. Leandra tried to teach her children – and Ralph knows well the expectations, and if he wants, he completely ignores them (mostly he doesn't have the patience to not ignore them). He teaches what he knows about the expectations to Killian – and how to ignore it...
Childhood/teen dreams: He was a thin, pale child and the youngest boy in the neighbourhood. He was often harassed by the elder kids. His mother's tales were about strong warriors. Heroes who faced 1000 dangers but finally won, and gained reputation and rank. He saw himself as a strong glorious king. And his magic manifested – yes, he was strong but had to hide. He hated it. He wanted to fight, and openly show to the world, what is he. His dream about the glorious fighter didn't change – but he didn't want to be king, he wanted to be a liberator.
He often dreamed about spirits, mostly these were good dreams, felt, they protect him, from the less benevoltent ones. But when he was 15, he met with a Pride demon in his dream, who offered him a deal. He refused, but already knew his way, and started to gather the knowledge, learn and later to use the blood magic, and the benevolent spirits' voice faded. He felt, he lost something. Still, he was too proud to admit, it was perhaps a mistake – and tried to drown the negative feelings about it. When Anders questioned him, he defended his position, but (rather inside), he also questioned himself, it was a good choice? The answer was always: yes. But he promised, he will not play with demons anymore, and will hold back his temptation to use blood magic so often.
When his father asked him in his last letter, to keep Bethany away from the blood magic, he swore to the letter, and kept his word. Also his adopted son didn't become a blood mage.
As a kid, Ralph trained by Malcolm, both the magic and non-magic fights. He was thirsty for every knowledge and training – Malcolm was strict, with high expectations, and never let him win. Many times Ralph was angry at him but enjoyed their fight. And Malcolm was not without humour. Also, he was self-taught: looked for Malcolm's notes and books, and for forbidden magic. Malcolm just supposed he stepped on that dangerous way. Later, Malcolm's companion-in-arms and friend, Selif, an old mercenary continued Ralphs non-magical training, who trained Malcolm too. Ralph was more dexterous, or rather he was tending to use dirty tricks too. Ralph was proud of his non-magical abilities: from a thin boy, he became a strong man, and while the magic was "easy", he enjoyed to fight without it: just because of the challenge. (Ralph trained Carver and Bethany as a teen when Malcolm was not at home, and after Malcolm's death. He never let Carver win.)
He only let Anders read his father's last letter. And later Killian.
He's not that bloodthirsty – but he loves his fame. Sometimes he's surprisingly merciful. He doesn't let Fenris kill Varania, and while he knew, to kill Bartrand would a better solution, but he was not able to do it after Leandra's death. And Gascard DuPuis... he just let him go. And didn't care about. He didn't feel a desire for revenge – Gascard's death will not bring back Leandra. (He surprised, when he got a letter from Gascard.)
Of course, he killed many, and he is able to live with their blood on his hand: the Templars, who pursued Feynriel for example, and many others.
Although he's not so bloodthirsty, as the rumours whisper, but enjoys killing more than that would be healthy. Since childhood.
He tried to handle his relationships better with the times. He often was rough to his friends, hurts them unintentionally. But at the end, his relationship improved with his friends and Carver too. (Sadly, he lost Isabela.)
Touch means intimidation or intimacy. He doesn't like people in his aura, he feels offended, uncomfortable – exceptions: love, family, closest friends. He touches people if it means something. (Handshaking is okay. Firm, short.)
A flirt is just as a challenge as everything else. Typical, how he flirted with Aedan: "I just watched you... Nice movement, but I noticed some weak points in your tactics." Ralph used that "tactics" with Fenris too. With Anders? At first, he was speechless – then suddenly become gentle! Varric found it quite frightening…
If Ralph is drunken (that often happens), he's loud – but less threatening, more provocative (this latter is hard enough). Prone to sudden mood changes – unpredictable. He often argues with his father's voice. All in all, more social than usual…
Also often blend into pub-brawl, while rarely start it, so hard for him to resist any challenge, what isn't that wise from a mage... What can I say? He's everything but wise...
He's mostly bad sleeper, becaise of the nightmares. If drunk, he just falls in the bed and sleeps before his head lands on the pillow (if there are bed and pillow)... In those state, he sleeps like a dead, nothing bothers him but the nightmares. Snores hard... This sleep is short, and after he woke up, he can't sleep back, or if he can, it still hard and easily awakes. If he's sober, he sleeps not easily, and if sleeping, he still vigilant. It's a habit... With Anders, he sleeps easier and deeper. Position? Perhaps on his back, as I said: like a stone... Or perhaps he conquers the whole bed.
The story spread around Kirkwall that Hawke once fought a bunch of nug-sized horned demons... but at morning it turned out, they were just nugs, and some frightened fennecs. This was one of those moments when he vowed he will drink less low-quality drink, and be careful in using magic and attacking moving stuff when he drunk. He really felt sorry for those nugs. And went to The Hanged Man to forget... ("I'll kill you once, dwarf...!")
After he became Champion, about Ralph and Anders spreads a rumour ("Once I'll kill that dwarf!"), that they perform weird blood rituals – to take power over the city (how could it happen otherwise?), and to invigorate their sex life (the latter mainly was popular among Orlesian nobles). Anders was very angry to hear that, but Ralph ... oh, he supported Anders..., but secretly he was extremely entertained, and many times teased Anders with this.
After they got together finally, he gave Anders clothing with his crest, to show: he always home in his house. The clothing was the same as his own, but blue. Ralph not easily speaks about his love or shows it concretely. Rather teases Anders, often it embarrasses him – but his eyes, speak instead of him, and Anders understands.
Anders worries a lot about his blood magic, but he tries to avoid the hard fights, so makes funny and less funny jokes about Anders’ concerns. This is the only problem between them, but this is always returned. Ralph can be rude, and rarely hold back himself, unless he debates with Anders. He has enough enemies, Anders is his love. They always fall asleep in peace.
Ralph has an expensive, elegant, leather-bound diary, but many pages covered drink stains, blood stains. Personal entries, researches, with many side-notes, torn-out pages, underlined, framed and cross-out texts, corrections. An educated man's elegant letters, but quick, messy writing. Passionate words, with swearing sometimes. Scribbles in the margin. He has a secret compartment for his forbidden books, he keeps his diary there. He doesn't really want anyone to see his personal notes.
Ralph often swears "Once I'll kill that Dwarf!", he accuses Varric, he's spreading stupid gossips about him, but as his greatest treasure, he keeps a copy of The Tale of the Champion.
He would love if the history remembers to him as a man, who set the world on fire, to shows the rage of the mages. As Varric wrote in The Tale of the Champion: "Hawke's name became a rallying cry to all Thedosian mages; an inspirational beacon which showed that the Templars could be defied. Circles across the world rose up in rebellion, setting the world on fire." Ralph always became sentimental when he read it (and secretly he read it often!) and crumbled a tear as he thought of Varric (every of your gossip-nonsense is forgiven, dwarf!). Even if he knew, that the glory isn't really his… (Ralph is very sensitive soul sometimes...)
Weakness, fear, pride, self-conceit, defiance, anger, self-pity, regret and forgiveness. And much alcohol, outer and inner demons, temptations and fights. And love. Despair. Hope. Challenge.
This is Ralph.
Fear from the weakness, helplessness, showing fear/weakness – it's a nightmare from his childhood. So, he's rather aggressive. And hurts people many times unintentionally.
Defiance? He thought Malcolm is an opportunist, too patient toward their situation. He's a blood mage – because he thinks, this is the best tool against the Templars, if he wants to fight. And because Malcolm refuses that. He knows he's unjust, Malcolm kept them safe and gave them a good life. He's proud of the gift. And he even knows, this is thanks to his father, but he was ungrateful.
He's hot-tempered but not revengeful. Knows, what is the regret.
Inner demons: pride and rage mostly. Sometimes despair – he can't lose.
He loves the challenges. Provocative.
He loves to play with the fire – to challenge the demons. But he gave up that foolish "play" – for the love.
His obsession with challenges is the greatest danger of him. His fate?
"Enough! I know what I want!"
"Beth, the Templars are... not our friend… or maybe, one, two... but listen to me: never trust them…"
"The Fade keeps its secret, but from time to time, shares the power with us. This is our gift.”
"Ralph Hawke, mercenary, yes... but not your father's... Your Lordship"
"I never lose. I do not know how to..."
"If we aren't able to handle some miserable Templars, we deserve death."
"At the Gallows an angry Templar lady stopped us. She's looking for some Templar, named Karras or something, she said I killed him. It may be true, but I can not register all the names of the Templars, whom I killed. I'm sure I had the proper reason why I did it, I always find a proper reason for killing things."
"And don't be afraid, you're a mage. Just like me. It's a gift. Not that easy, but has some benefits. But at first, you have to learn not to use it!"
"I'm terrible and you love it!"
"Property. Influence. Not bad from a mage, right, Father? Home. Love. Family... Perfect... Perhaps, it's time to pack..."
"Is not it beautiful? And mine... ours... Like a dream... and I'm afraid we're gonna wake up."
Single or taken: My privacy is not your business.
Crushing on anyone: I will crush you if don't stop snooping around my privacy.
Mages or Templars: I'm a mage, you fool.
Last drink: Anders' weird mixture against the hangover. Disgusting but effective. And some buckets of water.
Makeup or no: Bloodstains.
Cat or dog: Mabari.
Evil or good: Good –in fact the best!– at killing, at drinking and in the bed.
Do you have haters: I hope, I have.
Funny or nahh: If killing is funny, I', the funniest man in Kirkwall.
Ferelden or Orlais: I was in Orlais once. It's a pretty good hunting place, the preys wear funny coloured clown-pants. My mabari loves them! Of course, Ferelden, you asshole. The shit, covered by perfume, still shit... and even more stinking.
Smart or dumb: Don't try me!
Ralph's diary and story (not finished): part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5 (Deep Road expedition), part 6, part 7, part 8, part 9, part 10 (Legacy I.), Part 11 (Legacy II.), part 12, part 13, part 14, part 15, part 16, part 17 (Mark of the Assassin), part 18, part 19, part 20.